I Did Not Sign Up for This. . .

Who signed me up for this??

I know that when I married Russ - I did say the words "for better or for worse"

It is tough enough being a stepmother but this??

Loosing a stepchild - wasn't part of what I signed up for at all!

As a new mother - right now the most difficult thing for me to accept (and this may be selfish) is that my daughter, London will not remember her wonderful older brother, Konley. How unfair is that to a child? She will learn about Konley, who he was and all the things he enjoyed and how much he really loved her in the first 15 months of her life. Konley was soooo excited to be a big brother. He has always been the baby - never thought that he would have a chance to be an older sibling. I am thankful that London joined our family when she did - she gave this opportunity to Konley that no one else could of done. Even though it was a very short period - he loved her and she loved him to the fullest and I thank Konley for loving her as he did and teaching her the little things that he could.

Konley being a big brother

kisses

she watched him play soccer - this was after his last game

he loved putting her in the bag of his walker and taking her around the block for a walk

another crazy ride

introduced her to the Memphis Redbirds

reading stories at St. Jude

He was so excited when London came to St. Jude with him. He had to take her all around the first night and the next day to show her everything he loved about St. Jude.

towards the end he just wanted to hold, touch and kiss her

Thank you Konley for loving her.

Dedication

On a more joyful note today - On Sunday, January 18th we dedicated London at church. I didn't even realize getting ready for the day that it was Sanctity of Human Life Sunday! What a better day to dedicate your child back to God! London's brother and sister were able to come (matter of fact they WANTED to come) and be part of the dedication.

Pastor Dave

There was three children dedicated during our service. It was very special and we thank our friends who came up to pray with us. We were sad that Konley was not well enough to make it. During the service I had to also think a lot about Konley and his life and we were loosing one child back to God and starting out with another one to teach. Konley's parents have done a great job in teaching him about life and God and how to appreciate it all. We are so thankful that he knew God and had a relationship with him.

Because of everything going on in my life that Sunday morning - the sermon seemed to filter into my brain for a longer time this week than other weeks. Just a few notes from our pastor.

1. God created life - it is unique

2. God values life - it is precious

3. God shapes life - it is purposeful

4. God protects life - it is covered

5. God provides new life - it is eternal

Aching Hearts

It has been a very tough week. Two little children this past week went to be with Jesus - a day apart from each other. My stepson Konley and a wonderful girl name Catie. I guess they were meant to go together. I have never met Catie, but Russ met her and her mother at St Jude's this past summer when he was down there with Konley. He has kept in contact with her mother. We received an email today - just as we were on our way out the door for Konley's viewing at the funeral home. I cried (I am still tearing up) - it touched my heart even though I haven't met her. I know she is very special to her family and friends. And now we have baby Cora (her family attends my church) - just 10 1/2 months old and dx with cancer. Today she begun chemo and the family is awaiting results from the biopsy. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Gone Home

Konley went home to be with Jesus early Friday morning. Thursday evening I was there with Russ and London to visit with him. We had a good evening. He was a awake and alert most of the time. He was able to spend some time with London in between her play times around the house. His lungs had been filling up more with the fluid the last couple days and Hospice said that he may not make it through the weekend. We are so blessed and fortunate that he went peacefully in his sleep. We could of not asked for more and it was all in God's hands to take him now. We are so thankful that he did not suffer in anyway.

The funeral services will be Tuesday, January 27th at 1:00 at Westlink Christian Church in Wichita. The burial will be right after for family only. The funeral home is Dowing and Lahey (http://www.downingandlahey.com/) in Wichita on Maple St. Viewing with the family will be on Monday from 7-8 PM. Thank you for all your continued prayers and thoughts for our family through this difficult time.

Konley's Week

The beginning of last week Konley was having some good days and then on Thursday and Friday they became very rough. Russ was very concerned on Friday what state Konley might be in come Saturday morning. Hospice said that he is definitely in the last stage. On Saturday and Sunday he seemed to rebound some. He was awake more, more alert and coherent, able to eat a little soft foods, communication is still very difficult and we try to keep questions to yes and no. He is barely able to move his fingers any longer. Hospice said that the rebound stage could last a day or two and after this week it seems that maybe Saturday and Sunday were those days. Since Monday, the rest of the week he has been stable. He sleeps quite a bit and is up for short moments to maybe an hour. He is off his steroids and other medication (since he has great difficulty swallowing) and as a result to this, we have seen some of the swelling gone done in his face. This has allowed his good eye to be open more. Russ spent the night again on Tuesday and he said that Konley was up a lot during the night, just very restless in many different areas from not being comfortable to emotional outbursts. We have been fortunate that he has not been in any pain. At this point we could start to see some signs of headaches/seizures and other complications from the tumor since the steroids had helped with the swelling and pressure on the brain, he may just go in his sleep or could slip into a coma at any given time. We know that it is just a matter of time and it it is in God's hands. Russ does appreciate the moments he has with Konley when he is awake. London and I try to go see him a couple times a week, it just depends on how his day is going. He seems to have the most comfort when he is with his father and mother. Russ has been reading to him more and just hearing his voice seems to bring him comfort. Many ask how is Russ doing - he is exhausted most days, the days can be very physically and emotionally draining and long. There are some evenings he doesn't get home till 7 or 8 PM. But, Russ' spirit is good, he continues to find something joyful in each day that he has with Konley. We appreciate all your love, concern and prayers for the family. Thank you for all the wonderful support you have continued to show us. We are so thankful to have all of your in our lives as we continue to travel down this journey with Konley. Love Jenn and Russ

15 Minutes

How can this . . . .

go to this in just 15 minutes???

Mom - does this all look too much familiar?

My Baby Doll

Today I have been organizing pictures and came across these pictures of London. I had taken them this summer. She looked so much like a perfect little china doll while sleeping. I had to take some pictures. Absolute Beautiful Baby!

Little Squirrel

So . . . what is this little squirrel doing these days? She loves boxes all sizes as you can see from the pictures, screwing and unscrewing lids (so nothing is safe anymore), playing in the cat food and water (yes, I just caught her taking a bottle and putting it into the water bowl and then drinking the water out of it - nice) or she will put the cat food in the water bowl and swirl it around - I guess it makes pretty pictures, she has mastered coming down the stairs, spins in circles - I will try to post a video of this, she can say kitty but still won't say mama! And yes, we keep the bathroom door shut - she has learned to flush the toilet and lift the lid.

morning snack today

Konley

This is normally our weekend with the kids. Last night London and I went to Wichita to meet with them and Russ for dinner. We were able to get Konley out and went to Jason's Deli. Afterwards we went back to their house. London tried out Konley's hospital bed - she really enjoyed pushing all the buttons. There was a lot of new things around for her to explore. Konley was having a very good day. He was able to get outside in the warm weather and spend some time at the zoo. He really looked good compared to earlier. He was talking a lot and then spent some time on the computer. It was good to see him. We have decided that on these weekends Russ will spend Friday night and come back to our home on Saturday afternoon, then on Sunday go back up and spend the rest of the day with him. Keyton and Kassade have the choice to come back with Russ on Saturday and spend some time with us if they want - it will be a weekly decision (you know it depends on what is going on with their friends - teens).

Update on Konley

As you can see from previous posts we had a wonderful holiday with Konley. He seemed to really enjoy all the fun and entertainment that was going on. We did our own tour of Christmas lights, playing the Wii, making crafts, had several family gatherings and of course he enjoyed opening all those Christmas presents. Konley was with us on Christmas and several days following. We had decided that after the Christmas holiday Konley probably would not be coming back to our house. Each day gets a little more difficult for him and we decided this would be for his health and comfort. Russ talked with Konley and he seemed okay with this. When he returned to his mother's house, Hospice had brought a hospital bed for him. This has made sleeping so much more comfortable for him and he has also been sleeping better. He also had a rash on the trunk of his body over Christmas and it seemed to get a little worse each day. After a trip to his PCP, he was diagnosed with Fifth Disease but his chest x-ray was clear. We have seen quite a decline in his health since Christmas. We have seen more paralysis in his body, he is having more difficulty keeping his left eye open, chewing and swallowing is more difficult - as he is dealing with more choking when drinking/eating, so he is trying to eat more soft foods. Russ continues to go see him each morning before going into work. Getting him up and ready in the morning and then returns in the late afternoon for several hours. Konley isn't able to do much on his own, so there is a lot of care taking of him at this point. He doesn't seem to complain about what is going on with his body even though he is getting very tired. Russ and Konley have had a lot of talks on a daily basis about what is happening. Russ is very honest and straight with him. Konley does have the faith of a child and it is comforting to hear him say at times that he isn't scared because Jesus helps not to be scared and that prayer helps him to be strong. We are grateful and appreciative of all your prayers and thoughts to our family. Please continue to remember us all. There are very many dynamics going on and things get very stressful at times. We are at the point where we are trying to keep Konley as comfortable as possible and trying to help him enjoy something each day of his life. Love You All - Russ and Jennifer

Goldfish

For Uncle Jeff and Jerry

London's two uncles - Jeff and Jerry (my brothers) got her some finger paint as one of her Christmas gifts. So we thought we would give it a try. After seeing some of the pictures from daycare - I took it upon myself to be a smart mom - I first took off her shirt.

She really liked swishing it in her hands and smearing it all over the place. She really got the hang of it. She does quite a bit of painting at daycare.

She said it tastes like chicken.

Thank you for the finger paint - as you can see she will definitely enjoy it.